Second Marriage Divorce
If you’ve already been through a divorce before, you’ve probably vowed that you never want to have to experience that again. Most people who have been through a divorce will describe it as one of the worst things they’ve ever been through. So how can you avoid a second marriage divorce?
It’s important to realize that this marriage isn’t the same as your first. When we use past relationships to compare with our current situations, it can cause problems. However, in the case of marriage and divorce (unless you’re married to the same person for a second time) you need to realize this is a new person and completely new situation.
No matter how much alike it can seem or feel, the emotions will be different with different people. Never compare your current spouse with your past spouse and avoid comparing your current marriage to your old marriage that didn’t work out. You shouldn’t say things like, “You’re acting like my ex”.
You don’ t need to ignore the problems in your relationship and you shouldn’t think that they will somehow deal with themselves. Sometimes to work out a problem you will need to have verbal disagreements. However, there is a difference between a disagreement and a quarrel. When a verbal argument turns into a quarrel, it stops being about the problem and how to resolve it and becomes about the person.
This is when name-calling and other destructive jabs and criticism will come in. None of this is helpful to the marriage or the current problem. To avoid second marriage divorce, you need to avoid letting disagreements turn into quarrels.
You also need to be cautious of being too critical. It can come in many forms. Often in a marriage it can come in the form of jokes, jabs, fleeting comments or well-intentioned criticism. However, an act or word of criticism can undo 20 acts of kindness in the marriage.
When your partner feels you are insulting them, judging them or hurting them in some way, it will stand in the way of any good you try to do for the relationship. Your compliments or signs of affection will go unnoticed because she’s still hurt by the cruel comments you made or the jab you tried to hide in humor last week. You can never take back spoken words so you must be careful of what you say.
You need to avoid comparing the two if you want to learn from the first marriage and divorce. Have you matured or grown in any way since your first marriage? Are there things you did or mistakes you made that you wish you could have a second chance at? How have you learned from your first marriage in ways that you can apply to this one?
It’s true that they say “live and learn” and if you’ve already been married before, and divorced before, you should have learned some things that can help you do better this second time around. You’re not going to be an expert just because you’ve been there before. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to seek tools to help you avoid second marriage divorce.
